very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
where am i from again
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
