Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
