So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
