its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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