im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
