I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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