M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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