So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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