but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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