"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
