More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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