Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
