So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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