# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
True strength comes from lack of pants
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