Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
