I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
