shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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