im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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