Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
