Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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