Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
