so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
