Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
