ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
