ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
