I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
