Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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