i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
