So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
