I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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