dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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