I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I need moral support for this bender
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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