My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
