U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
