this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
