you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
