My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.