cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it