How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?