my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
