Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
