and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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