They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
