Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
