i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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