Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
