just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
