he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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