I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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