I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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