In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
