in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Randomize
