I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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