i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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