I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
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Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
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He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I party with great urgency now.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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