Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
