Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
