ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I came so hard my ears popped.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
