I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
