he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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