and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
