You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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