i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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