just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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