Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
