you will always have a special place in my vag
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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