I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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