vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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