Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
