i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
