I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
