I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
