All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
