I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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