im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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