You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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