I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
