someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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