Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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