When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
