dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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