I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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